she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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