He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
