wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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