You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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