This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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