Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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