ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
