Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
