Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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