I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
