My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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