I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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