that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
