Betty ford says i'm here all night
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
