After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
