he wants to bone in the snuggie
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
