I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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