Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
