Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
