Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
