I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
