I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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