Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to calm my uterus...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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