he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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