i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
