Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
