I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
