Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
They have beer where we have blood.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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