i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
