Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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