just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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