ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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