i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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