I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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