I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
