We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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