If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
