pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
