if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
