we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
