i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
