i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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