I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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