You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
