Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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