apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
