Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.

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  (401): I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me. http://tfl.nu/vovs
  Replies (32) Good night (1232) Bad night (3953)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face

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  (518): you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face http://tfl.nu/32pr
  Replies (24) Good night (3488) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.

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  (405): I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost. http://tfl.nu/voez
  Replies (41) Good night (7718) Bad night (2264)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

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  (513): Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud. http://tfl.nu/fmdm
  Replies (96) Good night (13476) Bad night (2420)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.

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  (937): Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed. http://tfl.nu/c6ek
  Replies (8) Good night (2853) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.

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  (240): She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text. http://tfl.nu/g6ne
  Replies (4) Good night (680) Bad night (2244)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke

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  (805): Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke http://tfl.nu/mqiv
  Replies (35) Good night (1006) Bad night (7979)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!

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  (231): Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well! http://tfl.nu/1chx
  Replies (4) Good night (2564) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."

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  (413): He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there." http://tfl.nu/pomo
  Replies (7) Good night (544) Bad night (3236)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?

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  (785): She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no? http://tfl.nu/2hle
  Replies (4) Good night (2609) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.

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  (414): i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down. http://tfl.nu/jxq4
  Replies (9) Good night (1204) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?

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  (951): Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win? http://tfl.nu/8vq4
  Replies (4) Good night (1155) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!

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  (209): Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!! http://tfl.nu/rqsa
  Replies (2) Good night (1013) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.

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  (609): I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out. http://tfl.nu/kpzq
  Replies (2) Good night (311) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  how did you graduate high school

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  (514): all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something (1-514): how did you graduate high school http://tfl.nu/3j47
  Replies (5) Good night (929) Bad night (396)

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