I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
bring money and cleavage
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.