Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
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Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city