last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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