I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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