I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
