people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
