omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
