dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
