we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
