I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
