My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
