we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
