yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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