Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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