Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
its not stalking. its research.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
