Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
