omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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