Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
