You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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