I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you never un-have a 4some
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
