First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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