So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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