I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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