Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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