Please, let me fuck your mom
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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