May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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