I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
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I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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