I think scott just propositioned me for sex
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
