Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
