I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
