Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
