Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
