I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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