I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i now understand why vodka
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
