glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
