When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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