I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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