There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize