are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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