so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
