good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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