I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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