the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The air taste purple.
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