Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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