I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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