Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
