Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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