I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
